Late Night In The Morning†provides a daily clip of what you missed in late night television so you can enjoy your beauty rest without missing out on the laughs. Today: Jimmy Kimmel (Jimmy Kimmel Live/ABC) hosts newlyweds of The Bachelorette, Jojo Fletcher and Jordan Rodgers, awkwardness ensues.
It pains me to write about this. It really does.
As I stated in the one other article I’ve written about The Bachelorette, this show is a disease to American television with love as artificial as a McDouble and it gives your girlfriend unrealistic expectations of romance (last night’s episode included a date†kayaking through caves in Thailand…c’mon).
Anywho, Jojo Fletcher, serial dater when on TV and notmuchelse, is making tabloids yet again with her newest marriage to FORMER (almost) NFL player, Jordan Rodgers. I watched about 20 minutes of the finale and I can GUARANTEE Jojo chose Jordan strictly for the fact he’s the Brother of NFL Quarterback Aaron Rodgers. That has to be it. Because I can think of literally no other reason why she would choose Jordan.
He is one step short of having “fuckboy” tatted across his fingers, just ignoring the fact it doesn’t take up all 10 fingers. Or maybe even his last name across his shoulders…Why is he so bad? Let’s recap my 20 minutes of smh:
- I tune into him and Jojo’s “dream date” kayaking in Thailand. Awesome, right? No, the mood was SOUR. BAD VIBES…This is ONE DAY before Jordan or the other guy (Robbie) are suppose to propose. Jordan & Jojo are bickering, having the “I don’t know if I feel as I should” talk, and here is Jordan’s actual response when Jojo asked if he was sure he was ready for marriage…”Yeah, I know, like, the way I feel I can’t even put into words, and I’m confident, I just know this is the way it’s suppose to feel. Yeah, I’m confident.”
- Jojo’s Mom (after meeting both guys) TOLD JOJO that Robbie is more husband material. (ALWAYS. TRUST. YOUR. MOM.)
- When both guys met the parents, the meeting was DESIGNED for the guys to ask the parents for their blessing. JORDAN DIDN’T DO THAT. Robbie did.
- After Jojo blasted Jordan for not asking her parents, he then CALLED them and asked them after about a 25 second conversation.
- He has a history of a wandering eye according to his vocal ex’s who pronounced these traits for the world to know.
- He’s not a football player anymore. And he doesn’t seem to have any plans except ride out the money he raked in for pretending to love Jojo until the final episode.
That’s my final take. Bad decision Jojo, if I had to assume, she knew Robbie was actually in love with her, and in order to escape a stage 5 clinger/husband she chose Jordan who she knew would expire in about 6 months.
I give it 4.
So why did I write about this? Because per tradition after the season finale, the star and the chosen one appear for the first time as a couple on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Normally you see some sort of twilight and relief in the eyes of the newborn lovers, but this go-around exhibited the same amount of chemistry between the newlyweds as does the average middle school relationship. Seriously this is hard to watch.
Jordan: “So yeah, we’re moving in together so we gotta get the big-ticket items†like my bed”
Jojo: “Oh, but I like my bed”
Jordan: “I love her, but I love my bed, so”
P.S. So Jordan lands his first late night appearance, and the dude’s first two jokes†is Twitter’s favorite “oh we’re gonna get so mad if we watch Netflix without each other” followed by “what is this, a living room for ants?” which is more than less a direct rip from Zoolander.
This guy is the worst.