Let’s get into this…
Jack – Liz was the only gal sent home this week and there’s one reason. Her past with Nick? Nope. The fact she didn’t do anything in either episode except bring up her past with Nick? Nope.
It was her ghastly back tattoo. No arguments.
Connor – Like the kid you know who went abroad that works their trip into every conversation, Liz made sure every time she was on camera her one night stand with Nick came up and in the end it lead to her being the only casualty this week. Also lowkey Nick is either trash at sex or into some seriously bizarre shit. He’s a grown ass man he shouldn’t have to hide who he had sex with unless there’s something sus there.
Jack – Josephine was way to excited to be part of Nick’s “date” at the breakup museum. Don’t get me started about how that was the least romantic date idea in the history of history. AKA it was heavy foreshadowing for what’s to come for those 5 girls in the next few episodes.
Connor – Brought the (literal) noise this week with the big slap at the Breakup Museum or whatever that cringeworthy site was for the second group date with the other JV players.
Jack – During their wedding date (so weird), Nick pushed her hand to touch his butt and she squirmed like a little school girl. Not weird enough for Nick, especially with Corinne on the playing field. She’ll be gone.
Connor – “My family would kill me if I did that. I’d kill myself, first of all.” Hailey, my hero, throwing so much delicious shade at Corinne after she went topless, so good.
Jack – Not only is she inevitably doomed after being part of the breakup date clan, but she is the worst friend in history. I know girls turn on each other, but rarely as bad as Christen did to Liz:
The Set Up:
AND THE TOSS UNDER THE BUS:
Connor – Snitches. Get. Stitches. Christen could not have rolled on Liz any faster and that is not the sign of the ride or die chick you need to acquire in a superficial game show about finding love.
Jack – I was totally behind this chick and her whacky doplhinshark ways. But she spent her minimal screentime celebrating her fake boob’s first birthday. Fake boobs? With cupcakes? Once she lost the dolphin costume she lost me. Goodbye.
Connor – The fact they saved her boob birthday for the end credits is a goddamn crime against humanity. One of the high points of the episode and somehow made her seem more sane than week 1.
Jack – I like Astrid but she was on the breakup date so I can’t get attached. Goodbye, Astrid.
Connor – The shock on her face of finding out that two adults had sex at a wedding was pure TV gold, Astrid is living in a world where we are all good and pure. Stay gold Pony Boy.
Jack – She was very insecure at first after being given the Eve outfit without a top. However she looked smokin’ and pulled it off, but she could have stepped up her game to combat Corinne. But maybe Brittany isn’t a slut? I’m still trying to figure out what this show is all about.
Connor – BRITTANY OFF THE TOP ROPE. Absolutely murdered that Adam & Eve style wedding getup. Have mercy.
Jack – Where. Do. I. Begin… I have two main points. I’m all about the fact she’s not there to make friends and will step on literally anybody to get more time with Nick.
But red flag #1 is the fact there are bugs swarming her at all time and literally nobody else…she must be trash.
Red flag #2 (out of 47,953) – this valuable insight into her dating past:
Connor – Oh, Corinne, where to begin… she let her body do the talking this week… just kidding she did that then got absolutely blackout drunk before delivering an Oscar worthy self-indulgent dialogue in the third period. Such a horrible person that reflects what a garbage person Nick is, but you cannot knock the hustle of interrupting other girls 923847 times in one episode.
Jack – Heavily overshadowed by the other Danielle, no way she survives unless she kills Corinne or something.
Connor – I can’t remember much she did this episode besides looking absolutely ???
Jack – My heart has grown 3 sizes for Danielle between this week and last. She got the first solo date with Nick (at least we know he makes some good decisions) and the reason there wasn’t much footage from the yacht they flew a god damn helicopter onto, is because Nick got motion sickness and spent the entire trip laying down. She, being the nurse she is, helped him and held his hand the entire time. God damnit if that’s not wife material I don’t know what is. I pray to God she gets booted off or even better, leaves on her own accord. I’ll be in Nashville in no time. Don’t listen to Connor.
Connor – Danielle got the solo date this week and while not the most entertaining date it was HEART WRENCHING. My goodness, this poor girl deserves so much more than software salesman Nick Viall, please set her free to find a good man (me).
Jack – Waaaay to nice to the other girls. There for the wrong reasons. Countdown is on.
Connor – Zero screen time this week, her days are numbered.
Jack – Who?
Connor – Being named a bridesmaid during the first group date totally got her in head. Completely crumbled under the circumstances and failed to make an impact.
Jack – Told Nick she use to be a lesbian and then said “she won’t go after the one he likes”. Not exactly wife material. In my first hot take I said I felt she could get really mean, and I don’t feel any different now.
Connor – Finally let Nick know of her past girlfriend and his face just screamed of a guy imagining unrealistic threesomes, probably with Corinne.
Jack – She actually said “Nobody wants to take their top off” and I don’t think she knows what show she is on.
Connor – Continues to seem a bit on the unstable side, forced a kiss during the group date and it was pretty clear Nick wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. She’s got one tear-filled tantrum in her before she hits the road, book it.
Jack – She said “they’ve been in there for a long time” when Nick was talking with Liz and it was the first time I heard her full-fledged accent and we all fell to the floor laughing because she was so serious but her accent is so…peculiar?
Connor – I cannot wrap my head around this accent situation. She’s been in America for seemingly a decade, but still sounds like plucked from a Moscow suburb right before filming. I admire her holding onto her heritage, but Nick doesn’t seem too intrigued.
Jack – She’s sucking up to Corinne which is the lowest you can sink. Like Mitt Romney sucking up to Donald Trump. She also was “happy” that Danielle got the solo date. This girl is softer than pudding and she will not survive.
Connor – Umm… got a kiss I think? I don’t know, but I definitely didn’t like how she indulged Corinne the morning after their group date and listened to her yammer on and on about how she’s falling in love with Nick.
Jack – Spent her only 1v1 time with Nick talking about her old boyfriend. Major red flag.
Connor – “If Nick likes someone who is just leading with their sexuality, no wonder it’s his fourth time. That’s really mean, but it’s true.” BOOM, that’s so Raven, I’ll show myself out now.
Jack – Made her mark during the photoshoot but then went soft again, nothing significant to remember. Can’t be like that in a world full of Corinnes.
Connor – Got a little “naughty” during her photos with Nick with a few suggestive poses and a bit of spanking, definitely got his wheels turning and since he has the mental maturity of a middle schooler I’d imagine that image was lingering in his head for quite a while.
Jack – She was the only girl who contested the untamable Corinne. I like it, but she’s a litttttle too proud of her brain. I get you have a masters from John Hopkins, but you’re pursuing Nick Viall. Know your audience.
Connor – My girl brought the heat when she went and interrupted Corinne, just stirring the drama pot and I cannot wait for it to boil over. However, as Charlotte Wilder of SB Nation pointed out in her recap, she condoned Nick on his ability to simply have a conversation, which was nauseating.
Jack – She was the only sane contestant that questioned if Nick was there to find a wife or “just a good time” – this is the moment she should have realized what world she’s living in and hit the road.
Connor – Can already sense that Nick may just be looking for fuck around, which is something most of the other girls are failing to realize, which automatically makes her too good to be on this show.
Jack – She came in boomin’ – taking the first impression rose and flexing her attorney muscles all over episode 1. Episode 2? Not a peep to be heard from the prodigy that could have been. I’m interested to see how far she rides this out.
Connor – From hero to zero. After getting the first rose of the season she wasn’t featured at all this week, which could signal that Nick is confident in their connection or just realizes she’s no Corinne.
Jack – Is she real?
Connor – Who? (Definitely not a good sign when you get this treatment two weeks in a row)