Only an Asshole Would Carry a Boa Constrictor Around Downtown Saratoga…Right?

I’m walking around downtown Saratoga attempting to climb myself out of a malicious hangover while sipping on my iced death wish coffee from Coffee Traders. Every step I take I feel worse and worse but in my head I am telling myself, ya know what Ked? Everything is going to be okay.

That is until I look up and see some guy walking towards me with a fucking anaconda around his neck.

My hangover gets worse. I hate snakes.

There are two types of people in the world: normal people and people who like snakes. Am I being rude? Not really. If you put 10 people in a line and asked me who were snake people I would get it right 100 out of 100 times. Does liking a snake make you a bad person? Hell no, I’m sure there are tons of people in the world who like snakes that are really nice people. But do I trust them? Never. I know I am going to get some backlash for this but it needs to be said.

“Ked, I can’t believe you’d say that! You don’t know him, he’s a great guy!”

You could be Mother fucking Theresa but if you are carrying a giant boa constrictor  around your neck in the beautiful streets of Saratoga then you are an asshole. This has to be the flashiest way to get eyeballs on these streets and I hate it. What good can come of this? Your snake gets a little bit of fresh air? Do snakes even want to leave their warm cages or are we gonna start seeing snakes on leashes in 2018? We’re one photo op away from someone being squeezed to death for this to become big problem. Jack was almost that victim and now I’m questioning him way more than I did before. At least his caption sums it up pretty well.

Listen Voldemort, I’m happy you’re pumped that you have a snake but for the love of god and humanity, keep it inside.

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