“If It’s Not Written on A Calendar, It Didn’t Happen” is My New Favorite Thing to Say

Another day, another topic the 2BD squad swears we won’t touch…until it gets so ridiculous that there is a solely comedic level of stuff worth talking about.

So, as political news typically does, all of this Brett Kavanaugh talk has gone in one ear and out the other one hundred percent until he spoke out in an interview with his wife by his side to address the recent allegations of sexual misconduct that are cockblocking his way into the Supreme Court Justice (I think that’s what it is –literally in one ear, people).


His PR people or whoever decided to come up with the idea, this BRILLIANT idea that has surfaced over the last few days, might be my new favorite people in the world –total spinsters, baby!

Because apparently, the reason Kavanaugh did not sexually assault a fellow classmate at a high school party is because he wasn’t at the party.

How do we know he wasn’t at the party? Well, he didn’t write it on his calendar.

Buddy….I really don’t know what 17-year-old boy in 1972, 2002 or 2018 would detail such events on a calendar. I get there weren’t cell phones back then but like, high school parties are stuff you don’t want to document because ya shouldn’t be partying, boy.

According to USA Today, here’s what he did used to detail back then (PS: He still has the calendar which is where the next saga of this story is going):

From May to August that year, Kavanaugh, 17 at the time, included more than what many kids his age may have  put on their calendar. He listed being grounded during at least three weekends that summer. He went to see several movies and to a Washington Bullets NBA game.

He listed his chores, including mowing the lawn, and a father-son dinner. He listed sleepovers at his friend’s homes, including that of Mark Judge, Kavanaugh’s friend and classmate at Georgetown Preparatory School. Ford alleges he witnessed the alleged assault. 

But most importantly, Kavanaugh listed a wide array of parties he attended that summer. He detailed the dates and places of at least five parties and also noted a number of beach trips with friends and other hangouts. 

I think the takeaway here is that this guy is just NOT fit for office in like…a million ways. In the interview below, he also mentioned he was a virgin in high school and did not have sexual intercourse (or anything close to sexual intercourse, ew…) for, “many, many years after.” Red flag. TMI! Stop it now! He’s just proving to the world that he was a total dork back then, and dorks are just as capable as anyone to have done all the stuff he was accused of doing.

If he thinks he’s gonna get out of this because he didn’t have the party written on his calendar, that is just wrong, wrong, wrong wrong. I love the balls this guy and his team has to wholeheartedly believe this play is going to work.

I’m not here to say whether Kavanaugh is innocent or guilty or deserves a shot at the job or not. I have zero takes on the implications of this whole mess.

But I am here to say that saying something wasn’t on your calendar AKA you have no record of it is the most hilarious excuse for anything and I think we should all start to use it in our daily lives.

If you need to get up to speed with this story in a real way, please just watch this video or Google one thing for one second and read a more intelligent take.

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