Thanksgiving is that wonderful time of year friends and family get together to be reminded of their blessings. And also a time where one aunt or uncle has that extra cocktail that sends their pupils into dilation and their political banter into violation.
What starts as some civil discourse can quickly turn into a vile onslaught of morality, and like clockwork, it usually happens around dessert. How did discussing your niece’s social studies grade result with Uncle Larry getting pistol whipped by a turkey leg?
How did the conversation of Aunt Stacy’s job promotion lead to a Fox News vs CNN debate that led to bringing up Aunt Stacy’s affair with the guy at Kinkos? No wonder she had that affinity for TV stands last spring.
But arguments at holidays are no joke, and often lead to anger harboring that can manifest itself into a continuous cycle of relationship damaging moments. Like yeah, Uncle Larry apologized, but will Aunt Stacy ever get over the fact he put her on blast in front of the whole fam? Probably not. So let’s do all we can to steer the conversation and focus away from politics this Holiday season.
Conspiracy theories too, it’s just not the time, so please advise your one family member who wants to bring up the fact that the world economy is crumbling into a tyrannical New World Order monetary system that they may have to wait for another day to pull up a YouTube video on their phone. You’re not going to solve the world’s problems while passing yams, so let’s hit the pause button for the day, unplug, and enjoy the beauty of the present moment.
Here are some tips to keep the convo cordial this Thanksgiving.
- Make shit up
- Is the degree of the refugee conversation rising? Did someone mention a caravan? Make some shit up. Seriously. Announce a job promotion that doesn’t exist, say you just seen a pack of coyotes take the neighbors youngest through the back door, say you’re pregnant, whatever you have to do to not here the word “policy” 100000 times.
- Compliment the dinner:
- Act like you’ve never eaten before, relish every moment, smell, and bite audibly. Let out a “Mmmm” that vibrates the floor boards when you have that first taste of stuffing, when you hear the word “inflation” scream to your progressively deafening grandmother that she has to try the sautéed mushrooms, you can even throw them at her if the moment calls for that type of urgency.
- Nothing will stop a conversation in its tracks then some honest biological responses. Do it, now. Did it work? Great. Save that for Thursday.
- Manipulate the Youth
- Gullible little cousin? Perfect. Tell them that the only way the Thanksgiving Gods will leave piles of candy on the recliner downstairs when they’re not looking is if they slowly apply mashed potatoes to your sisters new boyfriends socks until he notices. Have them break into an impromptu synchronized dance, flash-mob style in the living room until the talking stops. Analyze their talents and utilize them. Can one juggle? Get that kid some butter rolls and send him out on the front lines like the soldier he is.
- Tell them
- On a serious note, nothing is worse than the vibe turning sour due to forces that are essentially out of our control. We can’t control what’s going on in the world, but we can control the quality time spent with our loves ones. There’s nothing wrong with making an announcement and setting some ground rules. Something as simple as “Hey guys we really don’t get to see each other as much as we’d like to and this is going to be a great day so let’s do everything we can to leave politics out of the conversation. Theres a lot of stuff going on with everyone so lets talk about ourselves instead of other people for the day. Sound good?”
Now if your family is anything like mine you may get told to shut up and get over it, but hey, you tried. Do your best to keep everyone on the same page, remember this is a day to come together, not to be split apart.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving everyone!
Two Buttons Deep is a news & entertainment website based in upstate New York.
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