I’m Writing My FIVE New Year Resolutions Here So You Can Hold Me Accountable

I’m writing this for two reasons. One, I fucking dig attention. Two, I need someone to hold me accountable because I do have a tendency to become a lazy piece of shit somewhere around January 3rd.

These are my New Years Resolutions, keep your fingers crossed for me.

1. Become Hottest Version of Jimmy Collins

What does that entail? Grinding away at Metabolic meltdown for starters. If you guys need a new gym, check out this place. 2BD did a video on it last year to tease you a bit and if you want to better yourself physically this is the place to go.

Not only am I going to be shredding at the gym, but I’m also going to start eating like a normal human not a 600 pound trashcan. Chicken, salad, chicken salad, etc. I know I’m going to hate this part but its all about discipline baby, my word of 2019. Lastly, I’m going to start dressing to impress. I have wicked nice clothes but for some reason I always just toss on a T and a pair of jeans and send it. NOT ANYMORE. I’m talking hair gel, I’m talking belts, I’m talking sneakers that don’t have velcro. 2019 is the year of becoming a man rocket, bring your ponchos.

2. Quit Chew

This plays in with becoming hot but needed its own number. I’ve played hockey for forever and one of the cultural things on can indulge with is packing lips. Not the hottest thing in the world and actually bad for your health. I’ve never tried to quit because I thought it was rugged and I didn’t really care but I’m 28 now and times are a changing. I actually hurt after doing physical activity and I’d rather live my life with a jaw so see ya later lips. We had a hell of a run and I’ll miss you. I know I’m going to take shit from my friends about this but it needs to be done and I ask for patience during this trying time.

3. Read A Book Each Month

This year my friend Liz and I are starting a book club in an attempt to read more. I’m sure thats all Liz is doing this for. Me, however, I want to expand my imagination, aka I want to work on my vocabulary, aka I want to sound smarter. Yeah, it’s nice to be hot (see number 1) but I also want to be able to back up a conversation. I have a couple buddies that are just lyrical comedians every time they speak. I want to be that guy and I think I can become that guy by reading some more books. 1 book a month, followed by a book club meeting where we discuss the book. If you want to join, let me know.

4. Stop Spending Money on Stupid Shit

This is a big one and it’s related to buying a tin. If you go to Stewarts to buy a tin, normally you’re going to get a drink or a snack or all of the above. Why in the world am I buying drinks? Water is literally free, do I really need to spend 4$ on this free water that comes in a box? Luckily for me, the whole eating healthy thing eliminates practically any snack on Planet Earth. So let’s say I eliminate the around 20-30$ week on chew plus another 20$ for gatorades or snacks, I’m saving about $60-100 a week on dumb ass shit. What will I buy instead? Probably nothing as I will be saving up for a boat or a house, we’ll see.

5. Make Moves with 2BD and TMS

It’s time to take control and set the god damn tone. If you don’t know, I also run my own website and podcast called The Morning Skate for all of you hockey fans out there. We’re going to be rolling out a new online store this year, wheeling and dealing merch and having more people come on the podcast. Because I do this, I know how hard it is and how much time and effort it takes to do something like TMS or 2BD. Not only will I be wheeling and dealing on the TMS front, but I’m looking to participate more with 2BD. Jack, Taylor and the crew do an unbelievable job and I’d like to become more of a mainstay there. Living up in Saratoga along with the fear of going past exit 9 makes it hard to really jump in and make the next step but I will try harder this year, beginning with myself attending tonights 2BD meeting.

I know Marko is out on New Years Resolutions but I am so incredibly in. I’m excited to see what this year will bring and excited to see what type of person I become, hopefully a rich, sophisticated, successful hot piece of ass *insert growl*.

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