I’m About to Show Up at My Childhood Home to Look For a Hair Scrunchie

The problem with having a shopping addiction is that sometimes you make impulse decisions for immediate satisfaction and sometimes, instant regret. Wait, that’s not how I wanted to start this off!!!! There is no problem with having a shopping addiction. And hey, I don’t even have one.

ANYWAY, I do have a slight tendency to be the type of person that, when I get something in my head, I can’t get it out until said action is completed. And when it comes to online shopping, someone like me can very easily be three glasses of wine deep and and go completely broke with a few, swift clicks of a button. I’m working on it, OK?!

I’m sharing this information with you because, well, the latest example of how this lifestyle has bit me in the bum is about to have me show up at the front doorstep of my childhood home to look for a couple’a hair scrunchies.

And that sentence alone makes me sound like an absolutely ridiculous person. But here’s what happened. On the last night of my recent Palm Springs trip, I purchased a trendy hair scarf from my favorite store, Free People. Seriously, hair accessories are like so in right now. Plus, I rarely get to shop Free People in person unless it’s past-season stuff off the rack at Marshall’s, Macy’s or Lord and Taylor, so obviously I was hyped. I walked out of the store with my little tiny bag in tow, and headed off to walk along Palm Canyon drive to shop and sightsee. Didn’t think twice about the tiny bag’s position in my tiny bag (a cute round, leather bag also from FP) until I got back to my hotel, set my stuff down and saw no hair scarf. Not anywhere –well, besides the three I packed in my suitcase on the way there. 

Wasting money on clothes can be considered stupid to some people (like Jack), but wasting money on clothes and accessories that you LOSE in broad daylight can be considered stupid to everyone in the world, including me. I was so upset but tried not to show it because, well, it’s just a hair scarf, and I didn’t want to ruin the trip over it. And, I knew as soon as I had a chance, I’d just buy a new one online.

Well, the appropriate time to buy a new hair scarf online in MY world is when you’ve had a few too many cocktails in first class and want to test out the handy feature of ApplePay on your iPhone just minutes before taxi and takeoff. As I double-tapped the side button on my phone to activate ApplePay and purchase not one, but two hair scarves (I have a weird thing about only buying just one thing online), the exact second the little green checkmark popped up was when I noticed the incorrect billing and shipping address was simultaneously fading away from the screen. Somehow, my order was still confirmed and was in fact going to get shipped to my childhood home where I have not resided in almost five years.

Now, you people must think I’m an idiot and didn’t immediately contact customer service to make a change to my order. Oh no, I did. And it’s absolutely true that one of my most favorite and frequently-purchased brands has a strict policy that no changes can be made to an online order after it’s placed. Not only can they not make changes to the order, but they believe it is the purchaser’s responsibility to GO GET THE ITEM WHEREVER IT WAS SHIPPED.

Listen, my childhood home has a lot of backstory on it and is basically the creepiest house on the block now, where when I was a kid, it was the nicest and coolest. So, if I walk up to the front door I could quite literally be walking into my own murder scene, I have no idea. But I am about to track the shit out of this package and show up at the doorstep requesting immediate access to the hair scarves I so desperately need in my life? Dammit, I think I actually am. More to come on this. The lesson learned? Think before you shop, and maybe not drink before you shop, either.

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