Shocking: Some People Get Out of Bed After Only One Alarm

This morning at work I was in my coworker’s office having a conversation about getting up in the morning and we shared stories about out trials and tribulations getting out of bed in the morning. Today, I had to be to work at 5:30 am and I was venting about how hard it was to peel myself out of bed. Especially since Cuse had me up til midnight watching them getting their ass whopped by Zion Williamson.

Said coworker and I both agreed that it’s tough to get out of bed in the morning and we hit the snooze button as if we are underwater and it’s a gasp for air. Both of us set multiple alarms in the morning and it takes about 30 mins from the time that first alarm sounds until our feet hit the floor. It got us thinking how many other people in the office were like ourselves.

So, there was only one thing to do. Conduct a sporadic yet thorough survey.

The two of us were a small sample size and in order to get solid information I had to talk to everyone that was in the building (Granted it wasn’t quite 9 am yet and people were still trickling in). Before the survey was to be conducted we had to decide what exactly we were trying to find out.

We put people into two categories.

One, do you get right out of bed right away when you hear your alarm go off?

Two, do you either hit the snooze button and/or set multiple alarms? We figured it was a shoo-in that the data would overwhelmingly be in favor of the latter and definitely not the former. What kind of sick individual is ready to take on the world after getting abruptly woken up by a loud noise?

Well, the results will shock you. Out of the 23 people that I surveyed (against their will while they tried to kick me out of their workspace) nine people said that they get right up and at ’em. Also, two sick bastards said that they don’t even need alarms. Holy shit that is cra cra.

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There’s the raw data to prove it.

This scared the shit out of me. Do I work with Russian spies? Do they go to bed at 6pm? I now have so many unanswered questions that I’m beginning to even question my existence. On the bright side there are 12 individuals that side with me and some citing they need upwards of five alarms before they can stand up. This brought a sense of calm over me, but I’m still uneasy about the whole situation.

I personally have a a million alarms on my phone. Just take a look:

Don’t judge me. I’m a jerky dealer. I sling my product at all times of the day. That’s what hustlers do. Also it takes med about 10 alarms to get out of bed. I’m not proud to admit, but one time I hit the snooze from 8 am until 4 pm. I pretty much gave up on life that day.

My extensive research makes me wonder if I live in a society where people are just running around and jumping out of bed a a moment’s notice? Or are people like me and I just work with a bunch of weirdos? Either way I need feedback.

I’ve got a full proof way to collect more data. I need some reader participation on this one. It’s in the name of science. If you get out of bed at the first alarm venmo $1 to @john-longton and if you use multiple alarms venmo $5 to @john-longton. Once I have collected $1,000 I will then use it to gamble on the NCAA March Madness Tournament and I will give a detailed thesis during the Final Four. Go Orange!

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1 Comment

  1. Dave

    I don’t use an alarm, get up about the same time everyday

    Reply

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