I Just Really Want to Go to Court

It’s true. I WANT to go to court, like ASAP. And not because I want jury duty or anything (even though one of my less lofty hopes and dreams in life is that I do get to be involved in a real juicy, TV-esque type of jury duty someday) but because I like, really need to pay this speeding ticket.

You’re probably thinking I’m stupid or something because I am publicly expressing my desire to go into a courtroom, stand before a judge and a bunch of other delinquents just to have points reduced and hand over my credit card to pay a couple hundo in processing fees to get off the hook. And I do kind of feel stupid, but just because of the way this one particular speeding ticket is shaking out. Or maybe I’m being overly dramatic.

I have a little bit of a need for speed, OK?! And not only have I said the jury duty thing on the record before, but I’ve also mentioned how I don’t understand how I have never been cute enough to weasel my way out of any ticket of any kind before. Nadda one. That actually does surprise me –not because I’m cute –but because literally everyone else in my life has been able to do it except for me. I probably do know the reason why because it was sitting there in plain sight on my odometer every time I have been pulled over, but whatever.

Anyway, I got a speeding ticket in the beginning of January and specifically booked my calendar for the date and time the officer asked me to appear in court to take care of it. Then, I did what I have done many other times, which is fill out the sheet and mail the ticket back into the court. I waited and waited and never got a letter back in the mail confirming my date/time, so I just showed up like the GOOD AND HONEST PERSON I AM on the day I was originally told.

But, apparently that wasn’t the right move. I drove all the way there to find out that if you mail your ticket in, that date and time they say when you’re scared shitless on the side of the highway means nothing essentially, and that you must wait for your letter via snail mail. So, I said OK and moved on with my day feeling a little discouraged, but knowing I’d get the new date soon. And now it’s been three months and I still haven’t gotten a letter. I’ve even gotten a ticket since then and been to court and taken care of it fair and square (I now realize I’m saying too much and that it’s important no future employer ever reads this post). 

And of course, since I’m halfway through binge watching The Sopranos 20 years too late, I’m paranoid every time I pass a police car that they have a hit out for me or something and will just pull me over for no reason because they ALL know somehow that I haven’t paid this one speeding ticket yet and then I’m going to go to jail and my whole life will be over.

Dramatic? Maybe. But I’m innocent! Innocent because I haven’t been asked to go pay it yet, so technically I don’t even have to yet. But I feel like I should. And honestly, by admitting all of this and having so much quality time to think about it as I wait for the letter, I feel like they should really appreciate me and just let it slide now. I might be the first person ever who WANTS to go to court and take care of a speeding ticket just so I have this off my back.

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