Jack and Ice Cream Need to Break Up For a While

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten so much feedback on a Two Buttons Deep video than when Jack when all buttons deep at the Manory’s ice cream eating competition. The comments I received were along the lines of utter disgust, shock, secondhand embarrassment, and…a couple digs on watching Jack shirtless (and seeing his happy trail) a few too many times on video this summer. Fair, fair and fair.

Not safe for work, children, or ice cream lovers

Now, I supported my friend like he was about to cross the finish line in an Olympic feat that day, and I knew his antics were simply his way of improv and doing it for the camera. Whatever it was. But, despite the ruckus he caused online and at the intersection of 4th and Congress, there were a few things he did that were borderline inexcusable. For one, he cheated and threw a donut off his plate to try to win the contest. Obviously that wasn’t going to work, but he acted surprised anyways. And second, he disrespected ice cream in its most pure form by dumping it all over his skinny little body. I mean, ice cream lovers everywhere had to be simply appalled by his actions, no?

In his effort to create an entertaining video (which he did), he broke the Manory’s plate, which I do not believe they have forgiven him for. However, it was onto the next ice cream eating event, and Jack has continued to do some soft serve reviews and get creamed on the Squadcast with Gary Dake of Stewart’s Shops. The second misstep was that he dropped the new vegan frozen dessert (it’s not technically ice cream, I’m told) on his pants from Mark Thomas Men’s Apparel. Not cool, not cool –however that was minor in comparison to what went down at Manory’s.

And so, the reason I am transcribing all of this is because Jack’s final run-in with ice cream might’ve happened last night live at the Saratoga Race Course and in front of a whole lot of people. I didn’t know what he was up to, but I learned via Instagram Story that Jack and #OurPresident Gary Dake were together yet again at a Stewart’s ice cream eating competition. I don’t know who in their right mind would invite Jack to one of these things ever again, but if it could be anyone, it’d be Gary for sure. What happened was, there were so many people involved that they needed to choose participants at random to see who would actually compete. Cocky Jack (a nickname I recently heard from his own lady friend/my gal pal Sam) went on the record with Gary saying he knew he’d be selected based on his Stewart’s connection.

And then, karma happened faster than an ice cream cone melting in your hand on a hot summer day. The final name drawn was a Jack indeed, but it was not Cap’n Jack. Coincidence? I think not. Buddy, this is your ICE CREAM KARMA hitting you right where it hurts. When you break competition rules, treat ice cream like an Axe Body Wash, and use your media connections to weasel your way into an ice cream eating contest, something’s gotta give. I can only imagine how upset Jack was after he wasted gas on a trip to Saratoga and wore a crisp white 2BD shirt he’d hope to get covered in Peanut Butter Pandemonium, all for nothing.

I think it’s time for Jack and ice cream to break up for a while.

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