Statues, usually reserved for heroes and ballplayers, are now just as likely to feature your little sister holding her iPhone. That’s right – selfie culture has officially eviscerated the generational gap between taxpaying American adults and good-for-nothing, narcissistic Millennials.
Sugar Land, Texas (not to be confused with the band Sugarland, or great American pastime Candy Land) recently erected a collection of statues in its town square, one of which features two girls posing for a selfie:
Yup.
People are pretty pissed about it. But these statues, which were donated by a resident, are supposed to be representations of what people actually do in the area. So we brought this upon ourselves. You can’t fight it. Millennial culture is here to stay as long as bronze lives on cement.
I’m not mad about it. After the invention of the selfie stick, there’s literally nothing that can surprise me anymore. Besides maybe a selfie drone.
And as far as statues go, the selfie statue isn’t even at the bottom of the list. Let’s take a moment to examine statues that are, objectively, worse than the selfie statue.
How about this one? Who may I hold responsible for this?
I refuse to provide any context for this awful statue.
And what the hell is this?
Baby-kicker
Another one.
Gross.
Lest we forget that Tim Tebow has his own statue at the University of Florida.
Superstar.
BONUS STORY for scrolling this far.
This statue of a tablet-reading man appeared on a corner next to a library and bus station in State College, PA (home of Penn State University) in 2014. Similarly to the selfie statue, it’s meant to be a representation of society’s modernization.
The statue also happens to be across the street from the Phyrst, one of the best college bars in America. Well, my college roommate left a nearby bar particularly hammered one night, and passed this statue on the way home. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the memo that there was a new statue in town. Convinced that the statue was one of those street performers who paints himself gold and acts like a statue, he stared at him for a few minutes straight. This caught the attention of the 50 or so people in line at the Phyrst. They heckled him to look their way, and he would shout back that he had to ‘concentrate’ in order to not miss his next movement. Every time he gave in and looked at the line of bar-going hecklers, someone would shout, “Oh no! He just moved! You missed it!” (Really well-coordinated heckling if you ask me). This went on for a few more minutes until he inevitably realized he was the butt of a big joke. (Although the real joke is waiting in line for a bar after midnight). He walked home defeated, then ate pizza and felt better.