A Giraffe Giving Birth Keeps Popping Up On My Timeline Because Americans Are Weird As Fuck

(KTLA) – April the giraffe is showing “major changes” on Tuesday as she inches closer to giving birth at the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York.

It’s been five days since hundreds of thousands of people began tuning in to the live stream, waiting for the baby calf to enter the world, according to KTLA sister station KPIX in New York City.

April is bigger and her belly has become “nice and tight,” Animal Adventure Park said in its latest Facebook update on Tuesday. The calf, which was generally on the left side of the giraffe’s stomach, has shifted to proportionately take up her belly, the zoo said.

An exact date and time of when April will be giving birth is still not known, according to the zoo, which joked the vet had brought a “foolproof tool” — a Magic 8 ball — to determine the moment, but still got a “Cannot Predict Now” answer.

What in zoonation is this?? For the past five days I’ve been constantly exposed to a giraffe named April who may or may not be giving birth at any moment. No matter how many times I x out, somebody else shares it from another source and it’s back quicker than an iTunes update notification. WHY? I haven’t a clue.

Giraffes are technically endangered, but there are still 100,000 giraffes left in the world, so there’s absolutely no reason people should be up in arms about the birth of another one. I have a feeling know this is the Harambe effect. Why do people care? Because it’s cool to care. That’s literally the only reason. But it’s one thing to show love to an innocently deceased gorilla, it’s another to have the same amount of hype over watching a Momma giraffe give intimate birth to her child as you watch from your living room couch. My only conclusion is that Americans are perverts, which is NOT news considering the fact we stream more internet porn each month than we do Netflix, Hulu and Twitter, combined. Now I just think we’re seeing who lets their freak flag fly.

I’ve seen one live birth in my life and it was a video in 10th grade biology and I NEVER want to see one again except maybe my wife depending on how mad she would get if I didn’t look. Pregnancies are gross, but above that, personal. I bet April wouldn’t appreciate 100,000 strangers tuning in to see her push out a 150 pound BABY, but then again, she’s a damn giraffe, maybe she’s into it…

Final take: Americans are weird as fuck, but this is still better than politics.



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