Ohhhhhh man, when it rains, it pours for United Airlines. Let’s not forget last month’s uproar after they barred two 10-year-old girls from boarding because they were wearing leggings. Then on Sunday they deplaned a paying passenger, and on that same damn day, drowned by racier headlines, a man got bit by a scorpion on one of their flights.
According to Travel and Leisure, Richard and Linda Bell were on a United Airlines flight home from Houston to Calgary on Sunday, after spending two weeks on vacation in Mexico. And while they were not violently deplaned out of yet another overbooked airplane, a just as traumatic ordeal took place when a scorpion fell from the overhead compartment and on to Richard.
They didn’t immediately recognize the honey-colored, 1.5-inch animal until a passenger sitting next to them pointed out that it was probably a scorpion.
That’s when things got even more confusing: according to T&L instead of promptly discarding the toxic animal, Richard took the scorpion from his hair and dropped it onto his tray. Then, predictably when he picked it up again, the animal stung him. Bell told Global News Canada that it “felt like a wasp sting.” Luckily, someone showed some common sense when another passenger took the scorpion, stomped it on the ground and then threw the remains in the toilet.
I’m going to take a sharp assumption that Richard was reading headlines about how valuable United airlines seats were and was not going to budge from his own, “even if a venomous arachnid falls on my head” he probably told his wife.
I would have flung the scorpo quicker than you could say the word quidditch and deplaned myself to walk home. No excuses to play around with a scorpion on a plane, I’ve seen Snakes On A Plane, I know how this shit works.
Given these people are from Texas and maybe a little more familiar with the infamous creature, but I want no part of it. I don’t consider scorpions friendly and that’s solely based off my knowledge from watching Fear Factor.
Here’s the punchline: upon landing in Calgary, emergency personnel came onboard the plane to examine Richard at which point he may have made the single biggest mistake in his life: “He showed no sign of distress, according to an EMS spokesperson, and declined medical attention.”
Richard is a big scorpion-loving dumbo. If he was literally any bit smarter he would have A. Not played with a wild scorpion and B. Acted like his life was ending to collect a cool 2 million from United and then he could have returned to vacation for the next 2 years. But nope, since Richard was too cool for medical attention now he returns to his 9-5 with nothing but tanlines and a bandaged thumb.
Two Buttons Deep is a news & entertainment website based in upstate New York.
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