The ‘Brosectomy’ is a Thing Now and Damn Does it Sound Luxurious

Hey! Fellas who aren’t interested in raising a child, look over here!

If you’re bored at the beach, sick of getting wasted at the bar, or don’t want to spend 20 bucks on overhyped movie blockbusters this summer, there is a new bro-bonding activity that has caught the attention of the male eye.

As a man, there are a few things that make us really know that we have an XY chromosome bouncing around in our flesh and bones.The greatest tell-tale sign is being able to produce those strong swimmers that make up half of a baby. You know those tiny rascals? The ones who are easily entertained by keys shaking and throwing sippy cups on the floor.

But if you don’t want the Stork to drop off a baby on your stoop and your significant other is cool with it, you can always get a vasectomy. Listen, vasectomies are generally scary. Your biological manhood is rooted there. And although you’re going in with the knowledge that you’re going to have to spend a few nights with frozen peas on ‘your boys’, it doesn’t have to be a frightening experience anymore.

Hence the idea of the ‘Brosectomy’ was born:

The Brosectomy is the equivalent to a day at the spa. Urologists in charge of the procedure have figured out the easiest way to get men in the door is to bring a group of guys in together and make it an event. This isn’t a stereotypical doctor’s office with the white walls and the overbearing smell of Purell inhabits your mind before the surgery.

The ambiance is light, with liquor, snacks, and prescription drugs at your disposal to make the experience as seamless as possible. Higher end clinics have one upped their competition by offering pre-surgery entertainment and have gotten as far as to pick up the entire party in a limousine to start the day off on a high note.

This is a day of luxury, relaxation and plain awesomeness. Now I’m not down to get rid of my seed just yet, but this boys day out is starting to grow on me.

Going through with the surgery is obviously beneficial if you know you don’t want children. Even though this concept is new, clinics have shown that guys who get the ‘brosectomy’ together have a shorter recovering period and head back to work quicker than the guy who goes into the procedure as a solo act.

Additionally, a study performed by Stanford University released that men who do go through the surgery, have sex more often per month, as compared to their counterparts who defer to keeping his swimmers in the pool.

As the 21-year-old sitting behind this computer screen, the fruit of my loins should be worried they won’t make it. I can’t seem to find one fault in this activity. Especially with the Mcgregor-Mayweather fight set for August 26th, I have a date in mind for when my party would be interested in making an appointment.

Ok, ok where’s the hook? I’ll tell you right now. Besides losing your ability to create a human life, these procedures are pricey. A typical vasectomy costs roughly $500, but the package’s value mentioned above reaches between $3,000-$3,500. That, and that reason alone is why I’m backing out of this deal.

Besides, I think I should knock out a few lil’ Jacobs first.

Forewarning: For those of you who do go through with the procedure, it’s only a once in a lifetime event, so make sure you bring only the best of your friend group along for the ride.

Two Buttons Deep is a news & entertainment website based in upstate New York.
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