‘Hoodie Melo’ Is The Hero Knicks Fans Need

Listen, life as a New York Knicks fan is not an easy one. It’s full of peyote smoking old men trying to trade one of the franchise’s few bright spots, leveraging the future for aging stars, outrageous contracts and James Dolan with his fucking kazoo.

Since the New York Knicks made the Finals in a lockout shortened 1998-1999 season the team has endured nearly 20 years of meh. In the 18 years to follow, the team has made the postseason six times and has less playoff wins since 2001 than the Seattle Supersonics, who have not existed since 2008.


I repeat, they have less playoff wins than a team that hasn’t been a thing since before you could drive/drink/lost virginity/hadn’t given up on all your hopes and dreams and realized how dark and unrewarding life is.

I won’t take back that last part, that’s what life will do to you and being a Knicks supporter just accelerates that.

But, I digress. Since that Finals appearance they have had 11 different head coaches (both permanent and interim), seven different general managers, and have averaged a whopping 35 wins per season. In a nutshell, the New York Knicks have been a horrendous basketball franchise, making the “Mecca of basketball” more of a punchline than a compliment.

But, out of the shadows of trade rumors, buyout rumors, even divorce rumors, emerged not the hero we deserve, but the hero we need. Hoodie Melo.


Carmelo has been training at the crack of dawn (1:49 AM!) and putting in work along with his newest accessory.

Melo has been spending time in Los Angeles with fellow NBA players Kyrie Irving and Jimmy Butler terrorizing open gyms in preparation for the upcoming season.

All while the fanbase for the most part has given up Melo and it seems Melo has come to the conclusion his time in New York is up, I for one am here for Hoodie Melo at MSG this coming season and forever thereafter.

The Knicks Win Share leader over the past 5 seasons, who aside from Porzingis and the occasional flash in the pan (Jeremy Lin, Steve Novak, Landry Fields, I’m going to stop there before I throw up) has been the only redeemable thing about this godforsaken franchise.

And yeah, not willing to wait till the offseason to become a Knick and leading them to trading away a stockpile of players and picks was cruel and then re-signing for one bagillion dollars with a no trade clause to boot wasn’t the best, it’s not his fault. The Knicks have been the poster children for front office ineptitude and Melo, being the savvy business man that he is, took advantage.


Don’t hate the player, hate the game as they say and I frankly am hyped by the three headed monster of Melo, Kristaps and Frank Nkilitina this season. And sure just throw in the corpse of Joakim Noah, the bloated contract of Tim Hardaway Jr. and the less than arousing Michael Beasley and Ramon Sessions signings and we’ve got the recipe for a fun team that will surely be in the lottery and I don’t care.

For a player who averages 24.8/6.6/3.8 for his career there’s been an offseason of Carmelo’s trade stock plummeting and his perception around the media and with fans diminishing at a rapid pace. But all that has lead to the transformation of skinny, pissed off, hoodie wearing Anthony.


Let’s get ready to get amped up for the first 20 games before the wheels fall off because this is going to a great (and ultimately depressing) ride. Buckle up and keep your Carmelo Anthony slander away from me.

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