Here’s the thing: I think this year was the first year I haven’t been excited for the Olympics. I’ve never really loved it, I just think the big TV networks do such an excellent job of getting you jazzed up that it tricks me into thinking I like the Olympics, and then I end up watching less than 5 percent of the events because I just don’t care about any of them.
Me being mesmerized by NBC Olympics coverage
This year, however, there have been a few athletes who are really getting me hyped, like male figure skater Adam Rippon saying he wants a “Xanax and a quick drink,”after winning Bronze on the ice, or 17-year-old snowboarder Red Gerard for being a degenerate like the rest of us but somehow still making it work.
When you have a big vacation starting off with an early wakeup to catch a flight, or let’s say, a once-in-a-lifetime Olympic event to go to, the responsible thing to do is to pack up everything the night before so you can be up and at ’em after a good night’s rest. Right?
Well, that’s not what Red Gerard did. Instead, he fell asleep watching Netflix and didn’t set an alarm for the next day. Then, as teenagers do, he woke up late for practice and had to be woken up by his roommate, fellow Olympic snowboarder Kyle Mack. After waking up, he scrambled for his outfit and realized he couldn’t find his precious coat, so he had to use Kyle’s and move on with the day.
Once he finally made his way to the snowboard slopestyle event, he was in last place going into the final round. Miraculously, he shot all the way to first place in the third round due to his, “creative approach to the course.” I have to assume after being in last, he didn’t expect any place on the podium, let alone a Gold medal, and just went out there with no pressure on him. Then BAM – Gold.
This is why I would argue his exclamation of “Holy Fuck” on live television was 1,000 percent merited.
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