I Took the Stage of a Poetry Open Mic to Sell Circle Jerk

I first started making beef jerky about six months ago with the goal in mind of making a little extra cash to help get me through school. It’s had its up and downs and now I’m starting to gain a little traction.

I named my brand of beef jerky Circle Jerk because I wanted to pay homage to all of the dead cows that went into my product through the circle of life. Some people think that circle jerking is just a sex act. Well, they are wrong.

Circle Jerk is a three day, fifteen hour process. I get my slabs of meat, trim the fat, slice it on a slicer, marinate for two days (in a secret sauce), hang up, smoke for five hours, let it try, bag it up then hit the streets. Every one of these steps plays a critical role in the process. If if rush any certain thing than the outcome might have a devastating effect (affect? I’ve been writing for years and still have no idea when to use one over the other)

The thing about Circle Jerk is that I have no sort of distribution so I sell my bags out of a backpack. Kinda like the other guys selling stuff on the street, but the difference is I’m giving you a product that’s a little more addicting. I tell my clients to be careful because before they know it they’re on a slippery slope to eating me jerky for breakfast, lunch and dinner. As a businessman I would love that, but as a humanitarian I would certainly hate to see.

Most of my clients are bar patroons or people just trying to use the public restroom. In some spots I’m revered and others I’m banned. I’m just sick of people eating Jack Links, Oberto and Slim Jim and actually thinking that it’s good. Well guess what?… It’s fucking not. It has a consistency of a goddam tire and it resembles the taste of a dog treat.

That’s a hard message for people to absorb, so sometimes I need to go out of my way to inform the masses. So yesterday I took to the stage at a poetry open mic to see if I can get some more sales…It could have gone better…

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