Longshot Longton’s “Can’t Fail/Checks in the Mail” Week 3 NFL Picks

Ladies and gentleman it’s already week three of the 2018 NFL campaign and I’ve got a few games circled that will make you some coin. Last week I went 3-for-5 with my picks and if it weren’t for the lack of a Giant offense and a Pats implosion I would have had a perfect week. But that’s what gambling is. Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda. Well this week I’ve got five more can’t miss surefire picks that will take down Vegas (or Carl, the bookie down the street that lives in his mom’s basement).

1: At Philadelphia -6.5 Indianapolis

Carson Wentz was on pace to win the MVP last season when a knee injury ended his year and hampered the Eagle’s Super Bowl hopes. We all know what happened there. Flash forward to this coming Sunday and you will see him behind center for the first time since last December. He moves the meter. So much so that they are giving a Colts team that also have a messiah at the helm 6.5 points. Keep in mind that the Philly has the 28th ranked passing defense and Andrew Luck will keep his team in the game and make this a close one. I’m not saying that Indy is going to win, but that they definitely aren’t going to lose by more than six points. Take the Colts and the points in a close one.

Final Score: Eagles 27 Colts 24

2: At Carolina -3 Cincinnati

Last week the the Panther’s defense was carved up by Matty Ice and company when they hung up 31 points. Newton and company tried to mount a comeback, but their two fourth quarter touchdowns weren’t enough as they fell to a division foe. The Bengals on the other hand made a statement and beat down a Ravens team that many people picked to go to the Super Bowl. The question is, are the Bengals for real? This week we will find that out as they travel to Charlotte and play a Panthers team that has the potential to make a playoff run. This is a must watch game and it should go down to the wire. That’s why I’m going to take Andy Dalton, his 108 passer rating and the points. Joe Mixon is out of the lineup for the Bengals, but I don’t see it making too much of a difference.

Final Score: Bengals 30 Panthers 24

3: Green Bay -3 At Washington

I had to rub my eyes and pinch myself when I saw this line. You mean to tell me that Aaron Rodgers and the Packers are only giving the R#$%^&*S (mascot censored because this society can’t stop complaining about shit) three points. Rodgers is averaging just under 300 passing yards per game and he missed half a game! Washington does however have the top rated defense in the league and are only giving up 161 yards per game in the air. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object? Aaron Rodgers throws a goddam football through it. He will have at least three passing touchdowns and the Packers will leave the line makers scratching their heads as to why they are giving away free money.

Final Score: Packers 33 Redskins 20

4: At Kansas City -6.5 San Francisco

If I were to make the spread in this game I would probably set it somewhere in the double digits. The 49ers have the 25th ranked passing defense and are also toward the bottom of the league on the other side of the ball. Last season the Niners went out and got their man trading the Pats for Jimmy G. In the offseason they went out and signed him to one of the highest NFL contracts in history. This guy has never won a playoff game and yet he’s getting paid like and NBA free agent (everyone gets paid in the NBA). Look for him to lose big and have the Niner’s front office contemplate suicide.

Final Score: Chiefs 38 49ers 24

5: Pittsburgh -1.5 At Tampa Bay

Ryan Fitzmagic might be one of the best stories we’ve seen in this league in about a decade. The fact that a 35 year old quarterback on his seventh team can throw for four scores and 400 plus yards in back to back weeks is mind boggling. I want in my heart for it to continue, but all good things must come to an end. Under the bright lights on Monday Night Football that will come to fruition. The Steelers have clear locker room issues right now and everything looks as if its falling apart at the seams. No Le’Veon, AB is not happy and Big Ben has thrown three picks in two games. I’m here to say not to worry. They have the number two passing offense in the league and they will perform in prime time. I think the Steelers will show America that they have a good case to make for the best team in the NFL.

Final Score: Steelers 31 Buccaneers 27

Well there you have it. I should be charging for this, but since I’m a good guy this is a free consultation. Make sure you just give me credit before you go telling your friends how much money I made you over the weekend. I hope everyone has a great Sunday/Monday and if for some odd reason my picks fall short there’s only one good explanation and that is the NFL read this post and is rigged.

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