The Haters Keep Ripping Our Stickers Down So I Placed One Somewhere Only a Fool Would Touch

In case you haven’t read our Facebook reviews, there are many people around the region with great disdain for our brand as a media company. For what? I’m really not sure. I would ask them except none of them have the guts to say anything to my face.

It’s comical how big league people talk on the internet when in real life they won’t say shit. It’s part of the game of running a subjective brand on the internet and I get that, we dish it and we can take it. But I have noticed the haters executing revenge in another way, and it takes place in 2BD’s go-to watering hole, The Bradley.

The Bradley is a place we know and love, I would argue the best dive bar in the Capital Region. It’s authentic, homey, and the #1 distributor of Genessee beer in the Capital Region. Our HQ is right next door so we wrap every meeting with a drink there, and sometimes, before to get the mood right.

A few months back we started a sticker trend on their bathroom wall. I plastered our 2BD sticker on the wall as I felt we’ve earned it as loyal customers. People caught on and started posting their own stickers, and before I knew it we had a whole gallery to view while urinating, it was a a beautiful thing.

Anyways, as of the last month or so, it has come to my attention that our stickers in particular are being VANDALIZED. Sometimes ripped down the middle, sometimes drawn on, but consistently messed with by someone who clearly doesn’t want us there.

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I have gone through 10+ stickers in this cold sticker war. Who is it? I haven’t a clue, but I’ll find out eventually…It doesn’t bother me though, I have thousands of stickers to go to battle with. I’ve got ammo and I’ve got time. And apparently this lowlife does too cause they just keep comin.

It’s becoming too much work reapplying our sticker to the wall though, so this time I thought about it, and executed a plan so devious I genuinely feel bad for whoever comes at us next. Wait, no I don’t.

I placed our sticker on the rim of what could arguably the grossest toilet in all of Troy.

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Right in the taint of the toilet in no mans land just soaking up the streams of piss from patrons too many buttons deep to aim. God knows what else has been on that toilet but that’s lathering in our sticker too. Our authentic, high quality, waterproof sticker now lies there tempting the lowlife spending their time ripping down our stickers. It’s the only one of ours left in the bathroom and they clearly have no self-control to the temptation of making sure Two Buttons Deep is not advertised in the Bradley Bathroom Times.

I’m pretty sure this toilet is OG from when the Bradley was its OG ratchet self back in the 90s. This thing has stories so dirty it could be in a Trump tell-all book. This toilet is something you don’t even want to touch with your cheeks, not even the sole of your shoe would suffice, but someone will. The fact that said hater will be scraping their fingernail across the surface solely to take a shot at us actually makes me laugh out loud. Only a fool would touch that and I can’t wait until it happens because once exposed, there is no turning back from the fact you are the filthiest person in Troy.  Inside and out.

Two Buttons Deep is a news & entertainment website based in upstate New York.
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