I’m Taking Donations to Bail My Future Wife Out of Jail

I think I know who my future wife is. Well, I don’t know her, but I want to, and the first step to do so is to bail her out of jail. 

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(WNYT) Warren County sheriff’s investigators have charged a woman from Schenectady with criminal mischief.

According to the sheriff’s department, Hernandez-Ortiz destroyed several thousand dollars’ worth of electronic devices, clothing and household items and then fled. She turned herself in on Monday.

It appears she is in the country illegally, so she was turned over to Immigration and Customs Enforcement.



You believe in love at first sight? Well I just fell in love with a mugshot and I just need Karen to see me in real life for her to reciprocate that feeling. I don’t care who she is, where she’s from, or what she did, as long as she loves me. I have our whole lives planned out and it’s about to be ripped away from us.


I just need to find out where Immigrations and Customs Enforcement has my bride locked up and I will be on my way with bail money and a ring. I’m sure her meltdown was simply a misunderstanding and I can forgive that. I would be mad too if I was with the wrong man this whole time. I’m the man for her, and now it’s time to track down my bride.

It’ll be funny when Karen and I are reflecting on this years from now telling our grandchildren the story of how her knight in shining armor came and saved her from the evil Customs Enforcement people that wanted her out of this country in a modern day Repunzel. I can picture it now.

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I think a movie script and romantic novel are also going to be in the works, but for now I just have to locate my Karen. Ay dios mio what a spicy dish. If anyone has information on the whereabouts of my bride or wants to donate to the cause please reach out to me. I need to bring her home…well, to my home at least. Also if someone can give me a crash course on how to speak Spanish that would also be greatly appreciated as well.

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1 Comment

  1. Syme

    I think this mugshot could launch a modeling career.


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