I Was Today Years Old When I Found Out Ninjas Are Vegans…Shit

I know I constantly crack on vegans, and I always will. Two vegans I hope and pray would never see my content (which is comedic, I promise) and have legitimate beef, or lack thereof, are the Diaz Brothers.

If you don’t know, Nick and Nate Diaz are some two of the most infamous fighters in UFC history. After taking on and sometimes defeating some of the most popular and talented fighters in from the ranks of George St Pierre, Conor McGregor and Anderson Silva. They are well-known for their vegan diets and intense training that ranges from triathlons, elite level jiu jitsu, and sparring with decorated professional boxers such as Andre Ward.

After seeing this Nate Diaz insta story I was brought to an even more badass affiliate vegans can call their own….ninjas.


No way this could be true, I had to ask google.

I have to bow in inferiority on this one, especially due to the fact that I heard “Food eaten by the ninja” in an intimidatingly wise Japanese accent. I grew up pretending to be a ninja and I battled my dog on the couch like she was a boss on a video game. My dreams are shattered.

You got this one vegans.

I know I talk about how soft vegans are with their save the world BS, but I say that to the air headed ones who try and tell me how to live while they turn a blind eye to the fact soybean farms kill off over 70 million acres of wildlife (in the United States only). Also, soy spikes estrogen in males, so most dudes who give me shit about eating meat are just frustrated their nipples hurt from that tofu stir fry they had at lunch.

I do not say this to ninjas however, and I trust ninjas stick to natural foods and would never eat tofu. I’m not trying to get karate chopped in the throat for talking sideways…so if you’re a ninja please have mercy.

God damnit you got me vegans, I will always hold this L, and I will never feel like a ninja. You win.



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