It’s that time of year again. A tradition unlike any other, the 2019 UAlbany lacrosse roster has been released and with it, the team’s absolutely absurd headshots. And absolutely no one’s surprise, they’ve outdone themselves again.
But hey, these headshots are always the talk of the town. How come no one is talking about the 2BD squad’s latest headshots, though? Well, maybe now they will. Let’s compare the Capital District’s biggest bros to our own 2BD squad headshots. First up, UAlbany.
#0 Davis Diamond
I would NOT want to try to defend Davis with that look in his eyes. Even through my computer screen I can see he knows my deepest fears and will find a way to exploit them once he gets the ball. As soon as he throws his pet snake at me, I’m out, just let him score.
#4 Chaunce Hill
First quarter, fourth quarter, win, loss, or rolling out of bed at 2PM, I’m convinced this is Chaunce’s facial expression all day, every day. I’m also betting that his ponytail falls to the back of his knees, but he didn’t want to take any attention from that sweet medallion.
#7 Mitch Laffin
“Coach I swear I wasn’t any buttons deep last night. I don’t own a shirt with buttons.” – Mitch Laffin, probably.
Absolutely can’t knock his school spirit, but I would imagine the camera man had to adjust the lighting to account for the shine from that shirt. LOL (Laffin out loud).
#10 Sam Swingruber
I’m not doubting that Sam has a soul, but I’m really unsure if he has a mirror. If you’re gonna stand out in the UAlbany lax roster, don’t make it because your bow tie is off by 50 degrees. You’re better than that, Sam.
#18 Zane Sands
According to my research, this facial hair style is commonly known as “friendly mutton chops”. Coupled with his luxurious flow and blank stare, I’d say Zane looks like a philosophy professor realizing he has no idea what he’s talking about. Not to worry, he’s ready to snipe top ched this season.
#23 Jack Burgmaster
We can only hope this is Jack’s everyday hair style. Maybe his Green Day bangs are there to block out the haters from his left eye.
#27 Anthony Altimari
Pretty sure this is just the actor from the movie Kingsman practicing for his next role as an American laxer with magical necklaces.
#30 Tommy Joyce
Tommy is going to make one hell of a carnival ride salesman after his lax days are over. Hand up, I’ve never seen a carnival ride salesman before, but I just know this is what they look like.
#31 Owen Weathersby
Hey Owen, I know you’re reading this, as a former laxer myself, let me help you out. Flow is supposed to come out from the back on your helmet, not the front.
#36 Matt Eccles
Looks like he’s trying to remember his 9th grade French to match his look. Wee wee.
#37 Erik Dluhy
Finally we have a Fu Manchu but unfortunately I don’t think the glasses are doing him any favors here. Especially since he’s not looking through them. Maybe he only has trouble seeing ground balls?
#39 Connor Flood
There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Connor came straight from killing a man over a dispute in his Texas Hold ‘Em tournament held in Amarillo. The bolo tie says it all.
#41 Steve Ramirez
Steve was only planning on doing his creepy-ass smile for picture day, then he came in last in his fantasy football league and the haircut brought his whole look together.
#44 Pat Barrow
I’m picturing Pat skipping practice to wrestle bears on a weekly basis. If I’m the coach, I let him do it.
#47 Connor Filipowski
I fully expect Connor to be able to shred on electric guitar, hopefully making the music for Pat Barrow’s bear-wrestling soundtrack.
Now, on to the beautiful faces of Two Buttons Deep. Full disclosure: I got absolutely zero input from the rest of the squad as to what picture to put for them. Oh well.
That’s our fearless leader looking as fearless as ever. The collar tug really helps flex his status. Unlike the UAlbany bros, we had the freedom to pose, and Jack took full advantage.
If I remember correctly, John was behind the camera to the right. Taylor’s expression supports that. I imagine I’ll get a similar look when she sees that this is the pic I chose for her.
Unfazed by Taylor’s stare, John lit right up for the camera at Filmworks 109. I heard he didn’t cut his finger nails for 2 weeks in preparation for his claw to make its debut.
I’m not sure what prompted this look of disbelief, but I love it. I picture this expression from Marko behind most of his articles. I might also get this look from him when he sees this.
I’d imagine that’s how our hockey guy looks after a long night on Caroline Street. Pretty knotted up, but still ready to go.
Safe to say I nailed it. But god damn I wish I could grow a beard. I think it would really pull my whole “Are we done here yet?” look together.
My grades may have been just a tad biased, but whatever I gotta support the squad here. I do think the UAlbany lax guys could teach us a thing or two about getting prepared for picture day, and we could teach them how to have some decent facial expressions. I’ll wait for their people to contact our people, and maybe we can get a joint photo shoot together.