Robert Kraft Caught Soliciting Prostitute and I Couldn’t Care Less

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft is being charged with misdemeanor solicitation of prostitution after police said Friday that he was twice videotaped paying for and receiving sex at an illicit massage parlor.

Police in Jupiter, Florida, told reporters Friday that the 77-year-old Kraft hasn’t been arrested. A warrant will be issued and his attorneys will be notified.

-Per ESPN

This story broke within the past couple hours and everyone has jumped all over it. What an outrage right? Wrong. Who gives a shit? ESPN, Bleacher Report and formal news outlets like CNN are burying the lead with this one. If I were to cover this story it would go something like this:

2BD BREAKING NEWS: JUPITER, FL 77-year-old man still can get it up and even got a rub n’ tug. We are not sure what type of controlled substances this elderly man is on, but it seems as if he’s holding out on his older constituents.

This is what Super Bowl owning champions are made of. I could almost bet that 90-percent of the other NFL owners haven’t gotten a boner in years. Not Kraft. This dude is flexing his boner muscles so much that he was charged by the police to prove it. If you don’t think that he couldn’t have organized this without getting caught you’re wrong. He just wanted to show the rest of the league that he wins big games and has a big dick.

The only thing I can do is tip my cap. I just aspire to be like Kraft when I’m 77. Not in the sense of winning six Super Bowls, but to be able to get it up while all of my comrades haven’t had a boner in years.

Being a Dolphins fan it’s just a natural instinct to hate the Patriots, but god damn this son of a bitch has me rooting for him. I hope he walks into court fully erect and beats…the charges.

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2 Comments

  1. Jon
    • Larry

How do you feel?

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