A Few Thoughts on the College Admissions Scandal

This whole college admissions scandal featuring Aunt Becky and some other (what I would call) B-List celebs is staying in the news cycle a lot longer than I thought it would. Typically, stories like this will blow up, grab everyone’s attention for a day or two, and then see themselves out the door so that we can all move onto something else.

IDK what it is about this one, I mean maybe that it’s like, really bad, but we’re still focused on it and trying to learn more about what happens now that some of these kids have graduated college already, these schools have already made a TON of money, and the general population is extremely pissed off about the whole thing.

I guess I do have a few thoughts on the matter as someone who’s been completely open about the ridiculous amount of money I spent on college, and how I’m still trying to figure out if it was really worth it or not.

I’m surprised people are so surprised about this.

I mean, really? Thought we all knew this already, no? When you’re rich, you make things happen for your kids. It’s not much different than those little baby Kardashians running around in custom-made designer clothes that are more difficult to acquire than the last four-pack of Nine Pin Early Grey cider.

People say all the time that money can’t buy happiness or solve problems, but come on. It solves A LOT of problems when your kids are apparently not smart enough to get into a California state school. So, yes, you can pay your way into (or out of) so many things if you can get someone on the receiving end to name their price.

And that’s the second part. I used to work in higher education marketing, and the theme across the board –more so with private colleges –was that money is TIGHT. Colleges are constantly looking to enroll more students in a time where college is already competitive, expensive, and the value of a college education is often called into question. So, if a school’s enrollment is down, less tuition money is coming in, and chances are a little financial boost from a B-List celeb is going to mean a lot.

Was it worth it?

That’s the question I have for these Hollywood parents and their children. Not to say these kids are all total snobs who have had everything handed to them and have no real work ethic, but like, maybe? I’m sure they’re sweet kids, surely. But again, we KNOW your life is different than the rest of us when you’re being raised by someone famous and their squad, and if anyone can scoot through life without a college education, it might be these kids. This money could’ve been used to help them jumpstart their own careers, fund a business idea they had, literally whatever else you could think of that would help them be productive, independent people.

If you couldn’t get into the college by applying and getting admitted the real way, how much knowledge are you going to be able to retain while you’re there? How could you keep up with the curriculum and workload if you didn’t prove you could do it? Were these kids just excited to be the cool kid on campus and walk around feeling like everyone knew their name and wanted to get into their inner circle? Well, that doesn’t seem worth it to me.

Also, side note, “college isn’t for everyone” is a very true phrase. Doesn’t matter if you’re rich, college just isn’t some people’s jam and that’s completely OK. One way to recognize if college ISN’T someone’s jam, is, well, if they can’t get into college on their own. Anyways.

It’s hard not to be salty about this

Listen, I owe $95,000 in student loans. That is an accurate number, yes. I put myself through a private college and pay more than some people’s mortgages per month to try to get these loans down before I die. I will be in my mid 40s when they’re paid off, and I graduated college 5 years ago already. Some days I wake up and feel sick to my stomach, regretting that I even went to college in the first place knowing it’s messed up my 20s in a major way. My loan payments are SO high I can’t afford to move out and get an apartment, or afford to work less than 3 jobs at one time. It sucks!

So, yeah, no wonder why so many of us are salty about this story. I always say it was worth it (not 100% convinced but it does make me feel better), and those of us who didn’t grow up with rich parents will also always say we are thankful we were raised to be hustlers who wanna work hard and make it happen all on our own. Can we fault these kids for who their parents are? No, of course not. But we can sure as hell be salty about it and hope there are some consequences for those involved. My idea of a consequence would be for them to just disperse all the money spent to try and help some of us regular peasant people pay our loans down. Fair enough? Cool.

PS: The funniest story I heard regarding this scandal was that one parent was paying someone to Photoshop their kids into photos of water polo matches to try and score them a WATER POLO scholarship. For real, all the sports in the world and you pick water polo? I know money can buy love and college admission, but you’re basically just making sure your kid keeps their V-card for all four years of school and then some with this move. Very strategic.

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